and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
one might say we're banned from that church
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
