So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
