He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. Itβs the Marine Corps way
Randomize