even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
