I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
