does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
