What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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