you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
