dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
