did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
