Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
