dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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