Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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