I could have mohawked her pubes.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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