This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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