I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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