dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
