I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
