its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh god it's open bar.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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