She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
