Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
