Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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