Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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