life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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