Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
