My Higher Power is John Stamos
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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