i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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