i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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