i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
