he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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