I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
