remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
