do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
