there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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