she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
