im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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