is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i think i just lost a toe
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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