then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
