it's not cheating when I paid for it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
