How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
