My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she told me i tasted like america
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
