im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I see more hoeing in ur future
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
