2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just fell off a train. Bad.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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