Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I still have a little drunk in my system
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
