You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
this is an emotional support booty call
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
