first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think I won the penis lottery.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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