fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i've created a new STD.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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