Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
