my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize