This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
