The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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