as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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