I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
