Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
