How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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