Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
