I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize