they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
