Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
