Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
