Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
