You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
