I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
