This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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